mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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