I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
