If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have fence marks all over my body
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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