How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
