Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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