Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
