I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
