i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
