I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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