well I can't set my house on fire every night
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
