So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
