To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we're making bets on your personal life
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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