Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
