I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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