You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
