Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
