I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
