I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
