You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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