Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I need to align my fucking chakras
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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