I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
