dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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