i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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