pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
