One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
