Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
