I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
