apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
