then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
