If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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