peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
