Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
