Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
