to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
