You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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