there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
