careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
