First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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