The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
