I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
