life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
