My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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