Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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