went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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