I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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