hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
