So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She tied me up with her honor cords...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
