apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
