hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
