My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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