***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There r osticjed everywhere
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
